goodbye horses

"untitled" (found photograph)
keep art alive ~ artist unknown

"you told me, i've seen it all before,
i've been there, i've seen my hopes and dreams,
lying on the ground,
i've seen the sky just begin to fall.

and you say, 'all things pass into the night'.
and i say, 'oh no sir, i must say you're wrong,
i must disagree, oh no sir, i must say you're wrong.'
won't you listen to me?"

goodbye horses (video) ~ q lazzarus
goodbye horses (cover, live, video pt. 1) ~ airborne toxic event
goodbye horses (cover, live, video pt. 2) ~ airborne toxic event
goodbye horses ~ q lazzarus

when does one know for sure that goodbye is the only thing left to say? is there not always that opportunity, that chance, that doubt that by the words goodbye may be premature, and that walking away may just be the one action you look back and regret. but then again, is fear of being wrong, or a stubborn refusal to give in, or give up, just a self-fulfilling failure in itself. how does one decide that the best thing for ourselves is to say enough is enough, and wave goodbye?

it is one of those decisions that we often take to everyone we know. we tell the tale, embellishing as we go, even if just a bit, because we want to be the hero, or the victim, of our own story. also, somewhere inside do we not already know what we want our answer to be? do we not tailor the explanation to suit the outcome? do we ask for advice because we truly want it, or because we want someone close to us to validate what we want to - and most likely will do - anyway?

goodbye, though, is a tough one to decide on. there is something so final, so defined, and so irrevocable in the words goodbye. perhaps it is why so many of us say things like "i'm terrible at goodbyes", or "let's just say see you later", or in terms of the break-up you honestly mean to be forever, "we can still be friends, right?" all those half-hearted promises to keep in touch when in that moment we all know - both sides - that we really mean never again, and goodbye for good.

perhaps it is that feeling of permanence that scares us the most. maybe it would be a better thing to recognize that we can change our mind. that we can say goodbye to something, or someone, and be wrong. we can revisit a dream, we can try to reconnect with a friend, and we can look back and think maybe i was rash, maybe i was afraid, maybe i was wrong. and then again, sometimes goodbye is the one word uttered that should stick. deciding what we revisit, or what we never return to - well, that can be just as tricky as deciding whether, and when, to say goodbye in the first place.

"what is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. but we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."

~ jack kerouac